i woke up today feeling a bit different than other days of waking up and drinking my coffee.. and its somehow surprising that today, for the first time in weeks, i’m thinking clear.. its like waking up for the first time in years of slumber then finally you just knew what to do with your life. i admit that at 24 years old, i’m still not sure what to do with my life.. i’m pretty much at lost when you ask me where i would be in the next couple of years.. well at least now i’m not that lost, i think i found at least 1/8 of the path i’m supposed to take in this lifetime..
well aside from waking up on the right side of the bed, i’m inspired with needtobreathe’s song, ‘something beautiful’..
in your ocean i’m ankle deep.. i feel the waves crashin’ on my feet.. it’s like i know where i need to be… but i can’t figure out.. no i can’t figure out…
well the line literally tell how i felt this morning.. i miss the beach.. i miss traveling.. i felt the urge to take a leave and just go somewhere where there’s water, sand & sun. well of course reason sank in and i couldn’t argue with myself anymore about going to some remote beach and leaving all my work behind. i knew i had to be realistic. if i wanted a peaceful holiday, i have to finish everything.. but here’s the thing, i’m pushing my 2011 trip and no one, i repeat, no one can stop me alright… and this time i’m spending every penny i have for this trip.. batanes, palawan, boracay, bataan, quezon.. i’ll see you this summer! =)
just how much air i will need to breathe.. when your tide rushes over me.. there’s only one way to figure out.. will you let me drown, will you let me drown..
well for weeks now, someone caught my undivided attention. not that he’s super cute or handsome or what have you but i like his simplicity and childishness.. i like our easy conversations. it feels like i knew him for years but to tell you honestly, i just knew him for a few days… but yeah, talking to him was like a breeze.. its like i can tell him anything and everything i want. so needless to say i have to test if that feeling of mine is mutual.. but i didn’t like the outcome.. it turned out he’s just a kid and liking somebody & going out of dates is the least of his priorities.. so i had to stop making ‘papansin’ coz now its clear that this is going nowhere.. well maybe he’ll enjoy playing PSP or going out with his mom more than going out with me. again, major fail but kudos to me coz i was able to tell way before i fell to the trap of liking someone who’s not even interested in me. and bravo for that! so again, the quest continues until i find that ‘perfect match.’
and the water is rising quick.. and for years i was scared of it.. we can’t be sure when it will subside but i won’t leave your side, no i won’ leave your side..
i had a row with me dad. i guess raising up and looking after aging parents is really really tough. dad told me something that i didn’t like and at that time i was suffering from severe stress due to work and my right hand was aching like hell, it was after my blood work up at the medical city, and the doctors there required 3 big vials of blood to be extracted from me so they could run some tests. end result, i shouted at my dad and we had a one big fight that night. i didn’t want to say i’m sorry but i have to, i knew it was wrong to just shout at him like that so i had to say the sorry word but what’s painful is that i played the ‘you’re not really a dad to me’ card. but i didn’t mean it, its just that everytime we fight, all those resentment, anger, and frustration because dad left when i was still a new born and i didn’t grew up with him will just go out of the closet and the next thing i knew all hell breaks loose. but i promised myself & mom that its just anger, i’m still his kid and he still is my dad even though he’s a total pain in the ass. i still love them with all my heart and no matter what, i’ll be by their side.. guess i need to mend things before christmas.. =)
in a daydream, i couldn’t live like this.. i wouldn’t stop until i found something beautiful..
i have so many things to be thankful for. work, though my salary is but a junk and work is just a pain in the ass, its still work, at least i get to earn something. well better than not earning at all. family, they maybe two ‘makulit’ aging people but they still are my parents and they loved and will continue to love me unconditionally no matter what. and of course i have friends. i maybe the only child but i’m not really alone. i consider my friends as my siblings. i have good friends whom i can really count on in times of crisis. these friends are always by my side come hell or high water and they’ve never let me down, not one bit. they’re the ‘stick-together’ type. they’ll be with you no matter what. i also have the ‘not-so-good’ friends. these are friends who are just there by your side when life is all fun and will bail out on the times that you need them the most. they are the types who don’t give a shit about how you feel, will do whatever they like, whenever they feel like doing it. they are those people who can’t help but be a bitch and pain in my ass if they want to and only cares for themselves.. some people may consider these friends as a curse. its like a bad karma going after you but for me, i still consider them my friends. they’re hard to understand but at the end of the day you’ll realize all those nasty stuff, its them, its how they are. i want to be a true friend and a good human being so i’m loving every bit of those nastiness and will just be quiet and patient with these ‘not-so-good’ friends of mine.. no matter how nasty they get, i’ll stick around.. i still am a true friend through and through.. so continue to find something beautiful in them.. =)
i could just go on and on and on with writing down my thoughts but i have to work.. there’s tons of work i need to finish so until the next entry.. continue to live, to laugh, and to love.. life’s too short to be wasted with worries.. and just smile no matter how tough life gets.. =)
haha! this is not good.. malapit na ko mabangin! :)) yun lang.. it’ll be a stressful bakasyon for me but i can say i’m up for the challenge! let’s get it on! =)
Life's a Trip! 