The past few days, I kept asking myself: “Where’s the “good” in goodbye?” and to be honest, I’m not really good at it, in saying my farewells to anyone but yesterday, I came to a point where I have to say it out loud. I have to let go.
About a week ago, my 10 year old Aspin mix Bodie became so sick that I had to rush him to the nearest vet on a very ungodly hour of 12 midnight. He couldn’t walk and was lethargic, just sleeping through the day but at least was eating his meals. Then his tummy got so bloated that he doubled his weight. I couldn’t carry him without breaking a sweat. Before the emergency vet call, I was already suspicious. Labored breathing, crazy rapid pulse & heart beats, and that bloated tummy. Then worst, t’was confirmed. Bodie got bloat, that deadly condition of dogs where their intestines get twined and twisted that water or air gets packed up on one side thus producing that bloated tummy. I was close to crying but decided to remain unfazed. Bloat is really fatal especially for senior dogs like my bud. But I was hopeful, thinking that we’ve been through a lot together, we can get through this. The hardest part was, after everything that needs to get to be done, chances remain slim. And I saw him struggle through it all. It was heartbreaking. I prayed so hard, asking God, if its already his time to go, I am accepting it. I’d rather see him go than see him struggling to stay alive. Yesterday morning, God answered my prayer. My dog of 10 years passed on in his sleep…
I’m at lost for words on how to describe the pain of losing my dog. My best buddy. My number one fan. I buried him despite my Dad telling me to just hire people to dig the ground. I wanted to do it, even if it means I’m gunna break my back trying to dig up Bodie’s grave. It somehow eased the pain a bit but the grief and the loneliness that comes with it stayed…
I dug the grave and said my prayers then I laid him off to rest. I haven’t cried for so long but yesterday, I just couldn’t contain my tears. I poured my heart out bidding goodbye to my four-legged best friend of 10 years…
It helped that my Mom & my Dad was there, they too were grieving for Bodie has been their kid for the past 10 years. It was heart breaking for my Mom most especially. She was the one who took Bodie home and christened him with that funny name. It also helped that my neighbors were there too, expressing their condolonces and remembering that sometimes naughty but overall a good dog of ours. It helped that I listened to Pope Francis’ talks & homilies while he was here. I remember the Pope saying that we always have to remember that God is with us whenever we are lonely. Our pain is also His pain and that in these trying times in our lives, He’s there. I also remembered Pope Francis saying that we need not be afraid to cry. You have to cry when you need to and that crying is an expression of compassion, love and mercy. I take comfort in those words and did exactly that, I cried coz I lost my best friend and I cried for every pet parent who have lost their pets.
Bodie and I, we’ve been through a lot through the years. We battled Typhoon Ondoy together and lived to tell the tale of how he learned to swim in the murky flood waters or how excited he was when he first learned how to use coconut lumber bridges to get around the the house while still flooded. A couple of times he fell but he bravely find his way back to the wooden bridge.
Bodie is sometimes camera shy but still finds that frustrated model in him, allowing me to get some good photos of him. I love the feel of his luxurious brown coat especially after baths.
This was the last photo of Bodie I took using my Nikon D5000. Taken a couple of years back. A little bit old and tattered but still remains my best bud and my number one fan. 🙂
To my best bud, I’m going to miss you lots and I think I would be sad for a while. I know you don’t want to see me sad, you always put your head on my lap whenever you see me sulking just to comfort me but please allow me to grieve your loss. From the deepest recesses of my heart, THANK YOU! Thank you for that 10 wonderful years with you. Thank you for tirelessly listening to all my problems and those tiny celebrations we do for my every win in life. You gave me that unconditional love –> loving without judging and without expecting anything in return. You were my number one fan, taking my socks off every after game and just sitting by my side during ice baths. You were there at the lowest points of my life cheering me on. You were my alarm clock and you know that if I don’t get up by 7am, I’m going to be late for work. Its not gunna be the same and not gunna be easy without you but I take comfort at the thought that now you are not in pain anymore. A house is not really a home without a dog to be honest. I’m gunna miss all those running around, all the fussing and messing up the house, the loud barks and the endless face licks from you. Run free, Bodie and go to the rainbow bridge. All your dog friends are there waiting for you. If one day I’d be lucky enough to get to heaven, I’m going to look for you in that rainbow bridge and will ask St. Peter if I can take you with me. 🙂
Mahal kita, alam mo yan at hinding-hindi magbabago yun… Until we meet again my friend… =’)