another random thought…

i was scanning my playlist & a certain song caught my attention. because i’m into so much of RNB these days, I haven’t listened for it for a while.  it’s lee dewyze ‘sweet serendipity’. i plugged my earphones and hit play. and funny that while its playin’ on my playlist, MYX suddenly aired the video.. so i was thinking ‘what’s up with that?’ maybe someone’s communicating with me all along.. a higher power’s sending me a message ( well i’m definitely hoping to hear some good news coz i’m stuck in rut these days) and been calling my attention for the longest time. and once again, i am inspired by the song.. =)

“i ain’t got no car.. and i’ve got one pair of jeans.. they’ve been stretched too far and now weak at the seams.. i can’t say what’s next coz i’ve got nothing on my sleeves.. but i don’t loose my head coz it’s really not up to me..”

this line translates to me literally.. since my tito moved further south (to the mountains of Binangonan, Rizal) i’ve been planning to buy me self a car, not necessarily brand new, just a second hand working car coz I want to visit them as often as I can. problem is i ain’t have any money to buy a damn stupid car.. hay but the dream still lives… if i can’t buy a car (just for now), i can run as far as binangonan to see them! =)

oh and yeah, got 2 pairs of over-worked jeans.. i have the means to replace them or to buy 10 more pairs but i just don’t want to.. i’m comfortable with just the two of them and i wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world (well maybe I’ll trade it for 1 million dollars then maybe after that i can buy a car). much like a comfort blanket for me… =)

i’ve been thinking about career moves this past few days.. i’ve been plotting my moves, not just for my career but also trying to plan my life but i just realized that ‘hey, i can’t really say what’s next simply because i don’t know what’s gonna happen next!’ it really make sense right coz sometimes no matter how hard we plan for our lives, it never turned out the way its suppose to turn out not to even mention that the days ahead might be numbered (topic over lunch & merienda: end of the world). so might as well just let it be, enjoy the ride and embrace wherever life will take me coz really its not up to me… =)

And I’m doing just fine, I’m always landing on my feet.. In the nick of time and by the skin of my teeth.. I ain’t gonna stress cause the worst ain’t happened yet.. Something’s watching over me like Sweet Serendipity..

i get stressed out so much just by thinking what am i gonna do next but now i think i should just give it a break.. whatever will happen will happen, like it or not (right guys???).. what else can go wrong?? what more damage will it take?? i think i’ve already risked a lot just to get here because of one sole purpose so now i have to fulfill that purpose..

i don’t ask for a lot.. no nothing more than what i need.. because i love what i got, no need to play the lottery.. i just want to be strong and at the end of the road, i don’t want to hold on.. i just want the strength to let go..

i really should know when to give up.. recognize defeat and accept if it is already a lost cause.. how can i ever move on if i’d be hoping that everything’s alright even if it isn’t.. like with work.. i always whine and complain that this ain’t the field i want to work in. i have a lot of excuse for not taking the next train to my next destination but now that i’m yet again a year older, i should really be thinking about the things i want (emphasis on the word want) to do.. i’m running out of excuses and time, i’m not getting younger and each year that i spent stuck in whatever i’m doing right now equates to tons of guilt for not pursuing the things i love. i envy my friends who have the courage to just let go and do whatever they want.. now i can see that they’re happy & content. i guess i’m just afraid that i might end up losing everything that’s why i learned to just stick with whatever.. being the sole bread winner for the family, i have a lot of obligations that i need to prioritize over my dreams.. but thanks to the song, i finally moved to my first step.. i know my mom & dad will understand.. the line also applies to my ever zero love life.. i know, i know.. getting old and all yet i haven’t experienced anything in that department. believe me i tried.. to laugh, to love, then afterwards cry.. para na nga akong baliw! unfortunately it didn’t turned out well.. maybe its something that’s not for me.. i think i’m fated to be single for life. i takes some getting used to but i’ve already made peace with it.. i’ll just try to do everything in this lifetime (travel! travel! travel!) then that’s it!  =) now, all i want is the strength to just let go… =)

set sail without a destination.. just see where the wind will take you..

so i’m just letting everything fall into place.. bahala na si batman! i’m bracing myself and will just enjoy the ride.. =)

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weekend!!! =)

i’m ending my week early today.. i’m blogging early coz i’m gonna be out of the office early too, dinner & movie night tonight with my college friends so i really have to be out early… it was suppose to be a get-together scheduled tomorrow but i won’t be able to make it so they just cancelled it out and instead we’re goin’ out tonight.

got so much to think about this week & lots of stuff to do at the office.. luckily, i was able to finish the reports just in time though i still need to wrap up a post-mortem report for one of my projects..

what am i thinkin’ about this week? lots of stuff fills my mind lately.. mostly about career & that someone sitting over there (i know right! i shouldn’t be thinking who i’m thinking about, sorry can’t help it!!!). career.. i wanted to pursue another path but i just couldn’t pluck up courage & just leave.. i’ve been in limbo for 3 years now going to 4 (now i should kill myself for letting this go on that long).. but i promise myself, i’ll have to do it next week, do or die! its now or never! let’s start next week…

someone asked me to go out & watch a movie with him, didn’t answer yes, said i have to think about it.. my weekend’s jam-packed again! i’ll be in binangonan tomorrow helping out my tita – they’ll be transferring to their new home (yes, sa malayong bundok ng binangonan rizal!). i have to be honest that i feel terribly sad about them leaving us but happy at the same time because finally they’ll be settling down in their own home! guess i’ll just visit them often (now thinking of buying a car so i can go there as often as i want).  sunday is a ‘running day’ so i’ll be up early and running then will do household chores.. after that will go to church w/ mom.. then it’ll be monday again.. oh and i can’t wait for summer.. been planning a trip for days now… =)

so that’s a wrap for me!  happy weekend everyone! now if i could just pull the time and make it faster so this day will be done & over with! =P